My oldest son Ricky who lives in San Diego emailed me a nice graduation speech from David Foster Wallace, a really good contemporary writer who recently passed away. The gist of his speech is to avoid being selfish and judgmental - which we all tend to be - of other people around us. That instead of the bad assumptions we conjure in our heads, we should think of good ones. For example, he says, the reckless driver who cut you off on the freeway - don't immediately assume that he's a jerk. Come up with something positive: maybe he's a father rushing his kid to the hospital. We have that choice but we all get caught up with ourselves and daily routines that we assume anyone who gets in our way is probably up to no good.
Anyway, last night Tess and I were on one of our evening walks in our Mililani neighborhood with our dog, Koa, and we were discussing this topic. We both admitted that at times we've been guilty of being judgmental and that maybe we should exercise coming up with alternate scenarios when confronted with what may, on the surface, appear to be a**holes. And seemingly on cue, a guy drives by with blaring music on his car stereo. Tess looks at me. "What about that guy? What can be a good excuse for him?" "Well," I said, "he could be on his way to his third job and had only a couple hours of sleep so he needs the loud music to keep him awake." Tess thought that was pretty good.
I said, "I got one for you. The other day, I pulled over in front of our house while I waited for RP (our youngest son), to move his car out of the driveway so I can park in the garage. I noticed from my rear view mirror a car with the driver getting impatient. After I drove into the garage, I stepped out and RP re-parked behind me on the driveway. The impatient driver, who happens to be your friend with the Lassie-looking dog..." I'll pause here for some background info and dramatic effect.
The guy with the Lassie-looking dog is one of our neighbors, an older gentleman with a balding head, who for some reason is friendly to Tess but not to me. We often pass each other walking our dogs and I've waved hi, flashed the shaka sign, or said hello, but he just ignores me. One time Koa and I were on one side of the street and Mr. Baldy was on the other with Lassie. Koa, a naturally friendly Boxer, attempted to get over-friendly by pouncing on a passerby so I grabbed him (Koa, not the passerby) by the collar to restrain him. And of course, Mr. Baldy after seeing the commotion, took the opportunity to teach Lassie. He made her sit and pointing to my dog, he was talking to her in a lecturing manner. Now you know why this guy is not really my pal, per se.
So back to regular programming. Tess's friend, finally free from the huge traffic congestion in front of my house, drives slowly by, windows rolled down, his dog in the back, and gives me the dirtiest look, or "the stinky eye" as we call it here in Hawaii. "So what do you think about that?," I asked Tess. And without missing a beat she said, "Maybe he had diarrhea and had to go home quick to use the restroom."
